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Does anyone else recall incidents from as early as 3 years of age or their
first day of school?
I do, incidents of being forgotten when I am quiet, discovering that
people are ignorant even when given information to process,
Of my history I can recall being left alone on numerous occasions when playing
on my own while my mother had to deal with other things that took her
attention such as my 14 month junior sister
The Details Or The Pattern, Heisenberg has it right with regards the limit,
but wrong in that it applies only to sub-atomic theory,
--Digression-Init--
As Brownian motion rules can replicate and show the same "dots on screen"
motion paths as the joggers across the golden gate bridge when it is
organised for such marathon events, Heisenbergs uncertainty applies also
to everything around,
two concurrent rules seem to define this
you can not know for certain the place if the motion is known
you can not know for certain the motion if the place is known
motion for place
is the difference *needing* to be known ?
There IS a reason for the mutual exclusion properties of the above
but to define the reason into language only encodes the view of the concept
limited by the writer attempting to define,
again heisenbergs rule applies,
you can not know the original data after encoding to language
you can not know the encoding before the original data
in this case heisenberg doesnt apply directly but as a secondary for
the additional "unnamed" properties
--Digression-Exit--
I digress, there is more to this and I have had too much time looking within
maybe I should take a class in philosophical thinking?
Occams razor is a tool for language encoded concepts only,
doesnt work with "Feeling" a pattern to seperate the two,
"Applied Fuzzy Logic Processing" from my own study of programming
The patterns of my life that I see are interwoven threading
decision/state selections and action paths taken as functions
or decision/state functions with action paths as states,
Age Range - General Reflection and Memories
Age 3 - Left at a "friends" place for an hour alone, Mother did not realise
I was with them and rushed back to get me as soon as she had realised,
I was pre-occupied with construction and did not complete my task
I learn that I am quiet and I am ignored
Age 5 - First day of school, I stutter-repeat a word on making a "car"
from cardboard, simple and similar to "The Flintstones" cartoon vehicle
I learn that other beings like myself are by default *hostile*
I also decide at this point not to take first impressions at face value
I also decide to keep what happens at home and at school "seperate"
due to several incidents during my first forays into making "friends"
Age 7 - I begin having problems at school, my parents appear to listen to
the teachers I am having trouble with, I am also without friends now
Age 8 - I am packed up and taken with my mother and father to camping
outside town, I already have personal conflicts and lack of contact
between myself and my parents, this would have further reaching effects
Ages 10-16 - the divide between myself and my parents grows to the point
where they are effective strangers to me like anyone else on the street
that I may pass in doing what I do
Age 16 - I leave home, my father and I have become irrevocable conflicting
in dealing with each other...He cried, I did not
I have learnt at this time several things,
never to truly trust anyone at all even with the most personal of
information,
I have had further semi-random contact with my parents...
help with moving on at least one occasion,
I find my dealings with my parents are at best "estranged"(term?)
and at worst just dont happen at all
Age 20/21 - My housemates at the time plan a "night on the town" and other
things when I
Feelings... those elusive things that guide what we do...
doesnt seem to matter in life what we do we are always guided by them.
The same with dreams... and chasing dreams can take its toll...
especially when alone...
I doubt anyone will ever see me all that much...
not to do with being camera shy at all
if you read this and truly want to know what I mean by any of this you'll
stick around otherwise I suspect you will drive by without looking back
maybe some day I will write about my dreams and the results of what I have
done to try and obtain them
but to those who know me and think I wasnt going anywhere...
the simplest art of deception is placing that which is sought under
the seekers nose without them ever seeing what is really happening
--EDIT-BEGIN--@+16
This is the only defense mechanism I have any success with,
this means that I am never what I immediately appear to be
and I *will* let someone deceive themself if I am unaware or
ignored when I attempt to actually tell them of this
--END-OF-EDIT--@16
I learnt that at a *very* early age and have yet to have any real sense of
connection with the few people I have felt anything for
I have told those who I have felt anything for something of what I felt,
explaining further simply dilutes the feelings and memories ...
( so many memories it becomes hard at times to sense now from then )
--EDIT--
I can name exactly ONE person where I have felt to not hold back,
You know exactly who you are and I doubt you will ever understand
since you have never been truly alone for anything heartrending
Question - What would the above truly teach anyone by experience?
Consider this for your answer - Individually I have been out of contact
with my parents and had no trust friendships to fall upon to recover
from what happened for that event,
how to express such emotion when there is no path for it to be expressed ?
Someday maybe this will make sense to more than myself whom experienced such
to all the psychology people out there or have learnt of such,
be *very* careful about interpreting what I say...
IT IS layered and I personally value quality and precision over speed
and there is more yet unstated...
I will be expressing such thoughts as they come to me
Characteristics: People born in the year of Snake are discreet, rich in wisdom and charm; They say little but think deeply; Snake people are very vain, selfish and quite stingy, however, they are passionate and like to help others; Usually they do not trust other people but would rather rely on themselves.
Best Career: teacher, writer, psychiatrist and philosopher
Marriage: most compatible with the Ox, Dragon and Rooster, but not compatible with Tiger and Pig people.
